Tales of The Fire Nation: Azula Meets God
by Eduard Tubin
Summary: A Strange man wishes to convert our favorite pair. Beware Readers - this is is cynical literature. It may also count as a satire - offended? I hope so!


**Travels in the Fire Nation**

**Azula Meets the Son of God**

The Fire Nation palace guest suite had no windows that opened which had the practical effect of making the room largely unlivable after three in the afternoon on a sunny day. Karo had noticed this effect on the first day he arrived in the palace and while he had no idea how hot the room became he did feel like his brain cells were baking in their own juices. He had no idea how the Fire Nation temperature scale worked – the zero degree point was some arbitrary temperature not normally encountered in the normal sphere of existence unless one worked with the liquid form of nitrogen.

Zuko had told Karo none of the windows in the palace opened because it would provide an easy entry point for thieves, assassins and other unwelcome guests. Karo took this as extreme paranoia since the rest of the world had windows that opened. Karo asked about air conditioning but Fire Lord Zuko explained the great cost of running duct lines through the building. Karo pointed out that someone had taken the time to run electricity through to the rooms and plumbing into the bathrooms. Zuko told him hardship built character.

On a particularly warm day Karo lay on his bed and wondered if the process of building character involved heatstroke. The ceiling fan swirled the hot air making no real contribution to Karo's comfort so he decided to take a walk and find a place less infernal. He whistled to Mitsumi who jumped on his shoulder. The hall proved cooler by a small amount. Karo wondered what kind of masochist would build a palace on a site with sweltering summer weather and then decorate it in black, red and gold. Azula had gone with her mother to shop and 'bond' with her mother. She told Karo if he behaved well he might get socks.

Karo had a real talent for getting lost in the palace. Azula had grown up here and knew her way around but the palace had evolved over time and generations of architects had imposed their vision on the previous construction. Karo half expected to find a previously unknown tribe of nomads somewhere in the basement. He had found on previous strolls about the palace a room full of fuse panels in green metal boxes, another room that held records and several broom closets. He had found that the overall baroque decorous nature of the doors had little or nothing to do with the function of the room. He had expected the throne room to have the finest doors with gold inlay and fancy handles, red paint and the kind of wrought iron work found in public monuments. The throne room doors looked bland with a brushed steel handle that pulled out and a lock barrel above it. Karo had once opened very fancy doors and found the cable spool furniture used by the janitors in their supply closet.

"Hello Karo." Lady Mai held Anya in her arms. She wore the robes of the Fire Lady and looked regal if somewhat dour.

"How do you cope with the heat?" Karo asked in his informal and unassuming way.

"Yell at Zuko." Mai said blandly. "The Royal Quarters of the palace have air conditioning. Fire Lord Azulon had it installed."

"Can I sleep on the floor?" Karo asked half seriously. "I would not make a sound. You and Zuko could even make out and fool around and I wouldn't bother you – it would be rude."

"I don't mind you but invariably Azula goes where you go." Mai said calmly.

"Have you fine people heard the good news?" An unfamiliar man approached Karo and Mai with pamphlets in his hands. He had an impeccable red and gray set of clothes like those a used carriage salesmen might wear. In Karo's mind this meant he could not be trusted. "God has a plan for your lives."

"How did you get past the guards?" Mai asked sternly.

"What guards?" The man asked unassumingly.

"Tea time." Karo pushed his glasses back up his nose. "Part of their union contract – that and the dental."

"Anya needs feeding." Mai turned to Karo. "Can you deal with this man?"

"Do you believe in God?" The man looked like a salesman – mid forties, neat, salt and pepper hair and a smile that made Karo nervous.

"God?" Karo had never thought seriously about the prospect and didn't feel up to the task now. "Not really."

"You should know he will return to Earth one day and judge you." The man followed Karo down the hall as Karo made a transparent attempt to lead him out of the building. Part of the plan consisted of knowing the location of the exits – a crucial piece of the plan Karo didn't have.

"Why me?" Karo opened a fancy door and found boxes of light bulbs. "I haven't done anything."

"We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." The man followed behind Karo.

"I have a boring life." Karo shrugged and shut the door. "Why do you want to sell me on this God idea? You have advanced warning that the Sun will go supernova?"

"What would you do if you knew the Sun would explode tomorrow?" The man insisted.

"Tool up and go looting." Karo opened another door to find another guest bedroom with the same Fire Nation red decorating theme.

"Where will you go when you die?" The man seemed overly friendly.

"Depends on how crooked the funeral home is." Karo thought he had a bead on the nearest exit and made haste toward it. "I know you wish to convert me to your belief system but you can't saunter into the palace uninvited. I have to ask you to leave. We don't want such democratic tendencies taking root in the Fire Nation."

"I will go." The man handed Karo a pamphlet and held his hand tightly. "One day you may see the light."

Karo had very grave doubts about that. Mitsumi had no real opinion one way or another.

Azula arrived home about two hours later and she had indeed bought Karo a nice pair of comfortable black socks – a gift from her and her mom. She had spent money on books and a glass cutter. Karo decided not to ask about the glass cutter. A quiet knock came at the door and Karo sat up from the desk and answered the door.

"Fire Lord Zuko wishes to ask you a few questions about a security breech this afternoon." The guard said calmly. "If your would come with me – please?"

Whooo! What did you do?" Azula had her back turned to the guard and Karo as she began to fasten the rubber cup of the glass cutter against the window glass.

"We had a religious salesman turn up on the second floor." Karo pointed to the pamphlets sitting on the heavy oak night stand between the two beds. "He gave me a few pamphlets about God for us to read."

"Tell Fire Lord Zuko who to fire." Azula began scratching the glass of the window and it became clear she intended to cut vent holes in the window.

Karo turned around and followed the guard to the throne room. He found Zuko sitting on the throne as a retinue of various public servants held out things for him to sign. Zuko looked up at Karo and motioned him forward.

"Mai said a religious salesman came into the palace and made his way all the way up to the second floor." Zuko said bluntly. "He met no opposition and no one questioned him?"

"I admit that is true." Karo bowed apologetically. "I have the pamphlets to prove it."

"We can't have this continue." Zuko leaned on one of the arms of the throne and looked thoughtful. "The guards on duty at five this afternoon admitted to seeing nothing unusual. They claim they did not leave their posts during their shifts and no one entered without their scrutiny."

"He may have come in by the big metal doors outside the palace kitchen where you have the trash dumpsters." Karo offered helpfully as he stood up. "Or perhaps he came up through the subway system the Dai Lee build during the last summer of the War. They built a lavish station right beneath the palace."

"What!" Zuko stood up from the throne with a startled and angry look on his face.

"Azula never told you?" Karo wanted to leap back in case Zuko wanted to flash fry him but he didn't wantto appear a coward in front of Zuko. The resulting internal conflict gave him gas. "The Dai Lee built an underground."

"This is the first I heard of it." Zuko walked toward Karo cautiously. "I trusted you Karo. When did you plan to tell me?"

"I went for a walk last night and went down the stairs. I wanted tea and tried to find a servant but I found this large stairwell that lead deep underground." Karo began as Zuko grabbed him by the collar. "I found this lavish underground station with lavatories tiled in Earth Kingdom green that didn't even have obscene graffiti on them. Azula explained the whole thing to me when I returned and asked about it."

"We will have a word with my sister." Zuko held onto Karo.

"How does choking me help your cause?" Karo grabbed at his collar.

"Sorry." Zuko held on less forcefully as he marched down the hall. "I have seen Azula do that to you. I came to understand that it is the only thing that captures your attention."

"Azula!" Zuko yelled out as he knocked on the door to their room.

"Can you come back later." Azula spoke through the door. "I'm not decent."

"I have Karo with me!" Zuko yelled out. Karo had some knowledge of Azula and Zuko's difficult past and he concluded the palace was once a very loud place.

"He isn't decent either." Azula replied. "What do you want?"

"When did you intend to tell me about the secret subway system the Dai Lee built under the city!" Zuko felt Karo slip from his grasp and grabbed his collar.

"Oh." Azula paused for a moment. "I had forgotten about that."

"And so people can come and go as they like?" Zuko pushed Karo in front of him and made him open the door.

"Well." Azula held several compact disc sized chunks of glass in her hand. She tossed them onto the night stand and faced Zuko. "If they can get into the subway I imagine they could get in if the Dai Lee left some of the tunnels open to the surface."

"What other surprises did you leave behind?" Zuko let go of Karo and faced off with Azula. "Nerve gas canisters?"

"Well..." Azula looked at Karo who looked completely clueless. "Have you noticed your skin bubbling off – turtle ducks experiencing a die off?"

"No!" Zuko said angrily.

"Don't worry about it." Azula assured her brother.

"We have a secret subway made by the Dai Lee and what else?" Zuko breathed in to calm himself. "Did you or my father ever have plans to tell me of all of this?"

"I figured the Dai Lee would cause me less of a problem if they had something to do." Azula nervously clasped her hands behind her back. "Since dad hung himself in prison - he has proven difficult to contact. Didn't you or any of your various civil servant knobs ever think to debrief him?"

"We did debrief him but he told us nothing!" Zuko paced the room. "He hung himself and many secrets of the War died with him."

The Fire Nation committee for the naming of volcanoes had the task of giving all the active volcanoes in the Fire Nation long and unpronounceable names. Ember Island had three active volcanoes – that the inhabitants knew about – and all of them had long names even the locals could not pronounce. The one that had blown Ember Island to kingdom come had the longest name and it had not yet finished blowing the island to bits. Azula had cut holes into the window of the guest room which should have let in fresh air but also let in the fine light gray ash. Ember Island lay about a hundred and sixty kilometers from the Fire Nation capitol as the crow flew or the ash cloud drifted.

Karo lay in his bed and could hear the odd bump or rumble as Ember Island remodeled itself. As Karo lay in his bed he realized the ash could drift into the palace filling the room with fine dust and the smell of sulfur. Karo and Mitsumi coughed but Azula ignored the ash. The Fire Nation denizens had become accustomed to having mountains blow up but Karo had only trained his lungs on the polluted air of Ba Sing Se not the ash of the Fire Nation.

"How long will Ember Island keep erupting?" Karo coughed.

"A long while if it's history serves as a guide." Azula explained. "

"The last time it erupted it went off for a year I think but that took place during the reign of Avatar Kyoshi." Azula leafed through the newspaper trying to make sense of an ad placed by _Honest Hong's Used Carriages_ but she could not figure out how a used Ostrich horse could possibly come out as a good deal.

"According to this pamphlet the meek shall inherit the Earth." Karo leafed through the pamphlet which didn't say much of any substance but had bullet points that pretended to make a case for buying into a God based religion.

"They can have it." Azula let Mitsumi stretch out and fall asleep next to her. "Sounds like a crappy deal – a four and a half billion year old planet orbiting an ordinary yellow type middle aged sun. Kind of like inheriting your grandmothers house – building code violations, raccoons in the attic and all."

"And God has a plan for your life." Karo pointed to another bullet point in bold red type. Azula squinted at it and seemed unconvinced.

"Live a few decades then develop inoperable cancer and croak painfully." Azula returned to her paper and began to work the puzzle page. "Or heart attack, boiler explosion, virus or something unanticipated like eating too much of that puffer fish that paralyzes you and stops your breathing."

"A what?" Karo placed the pamphlet on the bed.

"A Henwa Island man died of a rare form of poisoning after mistakenly eating a puffer fish." Azula tossed the newspaper over to Karo. "God had plans for him."

"What would God get out of letting a man die of fish poisoning?" Karo held the newspaper in his hands.

"It all forms an intricate and beautiful plan if you examine the finer details."Azula answered back. "Or so the religious people would have you believe. That man did die of puffer fish poisoning for a very good reason – he never bothered check to make certain what he ate was non toxic. The mountain climber falls to his death, Ember Island blows up – all part of a grand plan. Maybe aliens set up this planet as a massive behavioral lab experiment to see how long it takes for humanity to self destruct."

"You had a similar theory regarding flat pack furniture." Karo folded the newspaper and placed it beside himself on the bed. "An alien experiment to test our resolve to put things together without sending a hammer through a wall."

"Sir?" Zuko approached a man wearing a tin foil hat wandering the halls of the second story of the office wing of the palace. The hat looked like a metal version of the origami ones kids made out of newspaper. "How may I help you?"

"I came to express my concerns about the new fangled wireless." The man looked in his mid sixties and had short white hair and a tinfoil hat. Zuko decided the guards needed a few words of encouragement couched in a vague threat to cut back on the dental plan.

"Very well." Zuko answered calmly. "How did you get into the palace?"

"A short man and his girlfriend let me into the palace." The man vaguely annoyed Zuko by his stubborn refusal to remove the tinfoil hat. "They opened the door and told me the Minister of Science might take time to hear out my case. You see these new wireless waves change the way you think and can make you insane."

"May I escort you out?" Zuko patted the elderly man on the back.

"When can I make an appointment with the science minister?" The man asked earnestly as Zuko's left eye twitched. Zuko had come to call that the _Azula Twitch_ since his sister's ingenious and annoying habit of playing pranks set it off.

Azula and Karo had taken a walk in the relative coolness of the morning to watch the volcanic ash drift down from the sky and they both had tinfoil hats. Zuko approached them with a serious look on the face.

"Hello you two." Zuko put his arm around both of them. "In recent days a good many people have somehow slipped past the guards. I have met a sales agent for the _Suck – A – Lot_ vacuum cleaner company. Yesterday a man selling encyclopedias made it into the throne room and this morning I met a man with a tinfoil hat."

"We met him." Azula showed Zuko the tinfoil hat the man had given to her. "he once owned a large messenger hawk concern and expressed some resentment toward the development of the wireless."

"And the tin foil hat?" Zuko asked Karo carefully.

"Wireless waves can cook your brain from the inside out." Karo felt vaguely uncomfortable as Zuko held him by his shoulder. "Or so he would have us believe."

"I can channel the dead." Azula said unemotionally. "No wait I guessed wrong – I heard your hideous wife."

"Who let the God salesman into the palace!" Mai approached Zuko waving a pamphlet and holding her daughter. "I had started to change Anya!"

Azula snickered.

"Yes I change diapers!" Mai wagged the finger on her free hand.

"Indeed." Azula howled with laughter on Karo's shoulder.

"Can we keep on track!" Zuko pleaded and glared at Karo.

"He stomped into our quarters and asked if I have met God." Mai said patiently.

"Middle aged salesman type guy?" Karo asked as he adjusted his tinfoil hat. "Looks like a disreputable used carriage salesman?"

"Yes!" Mai shouted in protest.

"He never found his way out." Karo speculated as Azula adjusted her tinfoil hat. "Have you found God? Maybe you need a tinfoil hat?"

"Zuko! Please post more guards at the entrance to the palace." Mai commanded and Zuko glared at Azula then walked off.

"I think I found God." Azula placed her arm around Karo's shoulder. "Or I have picked up something sent out by the sentient lifeforms on the surface of Venus."

"A physicist at the University of Ba Sing Se has proposed a method to achieve a self sustaining nuclear fission reaction." Azula read from an article in the newspaper. "He claims it will unleash limitless power."

"This room still doesn't remain livable after three in the afternoon." Karo sat at the desk and began to pen a letter to his mother. "We have plenty of fresh air thanks to your act of petty vandalism but then again the temperature outside has begun to approach that needed to melt steel and it has let in a fair amount of volcanic ash."

"You do not have the proper Fire Nation attitude to hardship." Azula lay on her bed and leafed through the newspaper. "This builds character."

"Your brother faced many hardships and he still seems lacking in character." Karo fanned himself with a religious pamphlet. "I respect the man but he would break his face if he laughed."

"God Will Return and Rule the Earth!" Azula stood up and plucked the pamphlet out of Karo's hands. "I wonder what God's Civil Servant exams will test?"

"The cartoon on page two looks cheerful." Karo answered blandly. "See how happy Satan looks tormenting all of the evil doers sent to hell."

"The caption mentions something about homosexuals being evil." Azula patted Karo. "You will go to hell if you keep collecting those calendars with buff men."

"I noticed that it hinted at homosexuals being evil." Karo harrumphed. "And the fire brigade has to raise money for new fire engines somehow."

"Azula?" Lady Ursa opened the door. "May I come in?"

"You have the same pamphlet we have." Karo mentioned in a manner of a casual greeting when he noticed the pamphlet in Ursa's hand. "You haven't found religion have you?"

"I found this at my door." Lady Ursa waved the pamphlet in the air. "I hope you didn't find it too offensive. I fear we have a religious pamphleteer loose in the palace. Zuko wants to hire a bounty hunter named Jun."

"God hates homosexuals." Azula sneered with contempt. "At least according to the badly drawn cartoon."

"I came to invite you two to dinner tonight with Hakoda and myself." Lady Ursa patted Azula's head in a motherly way. "We haven't visited much and so I thought we could enjoy a fine dinner. I asked Zuko and Mai to join us but they both have much work to do."

"Mai? Work?" Azula sneered. "When she feeds Anay all she has to do is whip out her nip - !"

"Thank you." Karo decided to enter the conversation to avoid the completion of that sentence. "Sounds like a delightful evening."

"Thanks to you I had a thoroughly uncomfortable social event." Karo followed Azula and complained bitterly but knew at a deep level it did him no good. Azula had decided to show her disapproval of the decision her mother had made to marry Hakoda.

"Real men don't wear beads in their hair." Azula grabbed Karo's collar. "Do you think my mother should chew face with a man who has beads in his hair?"

"You have a way with words." Karo stated.

"Can you keep it quiet out here – I just managed to get Anya to bed." Mai nearly decapitated Karo with the massive dark wooden door.

"Did you know my mother plans to marry Hakoda of the Water Tribe?" Azula let go of Karo. "I use the words Water Tribe to emphasize my point."

"So Lady Ursa plans to settle down." Mai slowly closed the door. "Good for her. Please keep it quiet."

"Anya woke up." Azula heard the baby begin to whine and Mai closed the door shut.

"What if my mom decides to have another child with a Water Tribe man?" Azula walked down the hall. "What horrid freak will that mating produce?"

"Where would you place yourself on that freak scale?" Karo received a smack upside the head.

"Why can't my mother learn to live a happy life without men?" Azula opened the door to their guest room.

"Don't I bring you some happiness?" Karo walked into the room behind Azula and took off his glasses.

"Hello." A thirty year old man in sandals with an unkempt long beard dressed in rough robes greeted both Azula and Karo. "I bring you tidings of great joy."

"Which hemisphere of my brain no longer works?" Karo asked as he placed his glasses back on his face.

"I had my money on gas leak." Azula said. "You see a man in robes?"

"I do." Karo replied and raised his eyebrow.

"Our guards really suck at their jobs don't they?" Azula speculated.

"I am the Son of God." The man said in a reasoned manner. "I come to bring salvation."

"Come again?" Karo looked confused.

Azula tried to dash the man's brains out with a large gold colored lamp with a red lampshade. The lamp connected with the man's forehead and he dropped like a sack of hammers into a heap on the floor. The lamp broke along its stand and shattered into several gold plated wooden fragments

"You killed the Son of God." Karo looked down at the man and knelt down to take his pulse. The man had a pulse and a few days worth of dirt on his skin.

"Bugger!" Azula shouted. "I busted the reading lamp."

"I forgive you." The man groggily stood up on his feet and sat on the bed. Azula looked on with some hint of annoyance because he chose to sit on her bed.

"How did you get in here?" Karo asked.

"I walked in." The man scratched his head. "I have appeared before you to have you spread the word of God to this world."

"You have us confused with an advertising agency." Azula crossed her arms. "We don't do publicity work."

"I will find of our uniformed boobs we call guards to escort this man from the building." Karo pointed to the door.

"What if he convinces me he is indeed the Son of God?" Azula patted Karo on the back.

"Well." Karo opened the door. "At about four in the afternoon when this room reaches the temperature of the surface of the Sun he will ripen and you will come to your senses."

Karo left and Azula stared at the odd guest.

"Son of God?" Azula tapped her arm. "Any money in that?"

Karo returned with a palace guard a few minutes later. The uniformed guard looked like the proper combination of intimidating and burly for pushing around religious zealots - something Karo thought he might need in order to evict the Son of God.

Azula sat at the desk while the Son of God leafed through a large picture book on dinosaurs.

"Are you certain this book has the facts correctly?" The odd man pointed to a scientifically painted and dramatic picture of a large meteor slamming into the Triassic Era earth. "The dinosaurs lived sixty five million years ago? God made the Earth only six thousand years ago."

"Somewhere off the coast of the Earth Kingdom we have a tag that says _New Material Only: Manufactured Oct 14, 6000 years ago_." Azula had offered the man something to read. He found Karo's copy of _The Wealth of Nations_ oddly confusing and chose the _Big Book of Dinosaurs_ because it had pretty pictures.

"We have gas bills that date back further than that." Karo added. "And does anyone believe the Earth is a Libra?"

"I hate to be rude but you must leave." The guard announced pleasantly. "You cannot stay in the palace."

"What will you do with him?" Karo felt the pressing need to ask.

"Escort him outside and set him free. He won't trouble you anymore. Have a pleasant evening." The guard held onto the arm of the man and they quietly left.

"Should we have a catch and release policy for insane religious nuts?" Azula walked in the palace garden with Karo as he took in the beautiful orange blossoms.

"Wouldn't a mousetrap big enough to catch a human also make a mess when it went off?" Karo cracked his shoulder. "And then you have a body to dispose of."

Zuko and a guard strode across the lawn past the _Stay off the Grass_ sign toward Karo and Azula.

"I met the Son of God." Zuko stated with some degree of offense.

"Well good morning Fire Lord Zuko." Azula snapped back.

"This kind of thing has your trademark all over it." Zuko pointed his finger at Azula. "Imagine my surprise when I entered the throne room and found a man in a toga and sandals talking about salvation. I had two guards toss him out but he gave me the opportunity to convert to his new faith."

"You could let him found a new church – then tax the crap out of it." Azula helpfully suggested. "I didn't set that up – not to say that it wouldn't be something I'd pull."

"Karo?" Zuko demanded.

"Me?" Karo had the look of someone asked to assemble the Eiffel Tower with a single screwdriver. "I want less religion not more! The opiate of the masses!"

"I had expected you to keep my sister's evil down to a low boil." Zuko gave Karo an intense look. "I had hoped you would add the element of self restraint my sister lacks."

"We don't have anything to do with any of this!" Karo protested poignantly. "I wouldn't take part in any religious plot – I have scruples."

"Azula doesn't." Zuko turned to his sister and pointed his finger at her face. "I can't prove anything but I have my eyes on you."

"I would only use religion to control people." Azula faced Zuko. "And make a boatload of cash! As my good friend Karo says – it is morally wrong to let idiots keep their money."

"What a month!" Zuko threw up his arms and stomped off followed by a guard. "Ember Island blows up, palace security isn't and now we have a religious nut hanging out around the palace."

"Totalitarian rule has much going for it." Azula walked off with Karo. "We need a good old fashioned terror campaign."

"How much of a long shot do you think this is?" Karo paced back and forth in the sunlight that came through the ornate dragon themed stained glass window that stood at the far end of the long room. This room held the military records kept by the Fire Nation during the War from the supply records to personnel and casualty reports. Azula had taken a keen interest in the personnel records in her quest to find the identity of the Son of God.

"The Son of God knows the layout of this place." Azula countered as she leafed through a record of someone of no particular interest. "Even after Zuko tightened up palace security, he still got inside to visit us. This implies a working knowledge of the palace."

_Click!_

"What do you call this?" Karo had found a dusty wooden box with several well crafted bladed weapons. He held up a short dagger that had two blades that popped out the side when he pressed down on the grip.

"A Katar." Azula answered as she looked up. "Will you forget the box of death and focus."

"I have spent the whole afternoon looking at the service records of countless Fire Nation soldiers." Karo pointed to a foot tall pile of records in red file folders he had stacked on a large steel desk. "I have looked at hundreds of badly done charcoal pictures of people who could be anyone."

"Our man has mental health issues." Azula picked up another record from her pile. "Sort out the sane and honorably discharged soldiers from the insane ones."

"This fellow - Kang Shu received a discharge for mental health reasons." Karo handed the folder open to the crude charcoal drawing to Azula.

"He ate his commanding officer." Azula handed the file back. "He wound up in the asylum on Rukkan Island for the criminally insane."

"How do you eat an entire officer?" Karo stared at the folder and read the details of the record which revealed a man stationed in the Northwest Earth Kingdom who had turned cannibal as a 'lifestyle choice' according to the record. Karo had no idea what that could possibly mean and doubted if he wanted to know.

"You start with very small bites." Azula made an evil snicker. "Can or smoke the rest to make it through the winter."

"Don't look at me that way." Karo shrank back.

"Can I see that file?" Azula had that look of a woman capable of great evil who had just figured out a criminal conspiracy.

"You don't think the Son of God ate his commanding officer?" Karo carefully handed Azula the file.

Kang Shu served in the palace guard and my father promoted him to serve as a catapult operator in the Earth Kingdom." Azula pointed to the delicate calligraphy on the second page of the file.

"I feel vaguely creepy now." Karo sighed.

"What would you do if you found army life unsatisfying?" Azula took the file and opened it. "You would make a lifestyle choice!"

"But to eat another human being?" Karo had a look of vague disgust on his face that actually extended to his feet.

"True." Azula read through the file. "But then again many of them are corn fed."

"What makes you think the Son of God began his career as a cannibal?" Karo found the stain glass window with the dragon begin to grow disturbing as the blood red light from the window filled the room with a morbid colored light.

"I never trust people who wish me only all the best in life." Azula scratched her forehead as if pondering some intricate idea. "Anyone willing to sacrifice himself for the sins of all humanity wants something out of it. Perhaps our friend wants a good meal?"

"We have to tell Zuko!" Karo exclaimed.

"We do?" Azula placed the file under her arm. "What on earth for?"

"We have a cannibal running around the palace!" Karo grabbed Azula's hand.

"It adds color and drama to palace life." Azula followed Karo.

"What if he eats your pleasant if somewhat frank mother?" Karo walked rapidly down the hall hoping to find the throne room.

"Right!" Azula snapped to attention. "I don't stand to inherit the house on Ember Island."

Azula and Karo never made it to the throne room. Karo had no idea the palace had any booby traps but he found out the floor had the odd pit trap that led into a confining stone cellar. He felt himself in free fall and then in a dimly lit room with one spitting candle providing light. The room looked, old, was mercifully cooler, and claustrophobic.

"Karo?" Azula asked quietly. "Get off my back."

"Sorry." Karo stood up and brushed himself off and Azula handed him his glasses. "Why do I always end up in some horrible prison cell with you?"

"The Dai Lee built these rooms." Azula approached the wall and brushed her hand against the stone. "They have no door – only an earth bender can enter."

"What about air?" Karo began to sound hysterical.

"I didn't see the engineering drawings." Azula felt along the rough stone wall. "We planned to hold people here in order to interrogate them about the Day of Black Sun or other matters of state."

"You never thought of closing these off?" Karo decided to sit in a corner and sulk.

"It takes a skilled earth bender to spring them." Azula tapped the dark grimy wall. "You love my brother don't you?"

"What has that got to do with our present problems!" Karo spoke with a combination of panic and sheer surprise.

"I can see it in your eyes." Azula sat next to Karo and wrapped her hands around her legs.

"You have a thing for Suki and Ty Lee!" Karo began. "Can we focus on not dying in a stone cell?"

"I loved Ty Lee and had a less than healthy relationship with Suki. The first woman I really cared for was Katara but she likes families and men not women with dark secrets." Azula felt along the wall in an effort she knew would prove pointless. "At least if we die we will have confessed."

"I have long loved your brother." Karo admitted. "He has a wife and he's the Fire Lord so it doesn't matter."

"Do you still wish to spend your life with me?" Azula had many moments of insecurity. She had never used fear or intimidation to control Karo but he remained a true friend. She had begun to wonder how she would cope without him.

"Of course. Never a moments doubt." Karo said quietly. "I only hope it will last longer than the next three hours."

Azula felt both her hands sink into the cold stone wall and began to panic but she could not move. Her feet sank into the wall at the same time and she felt for a brief moment the terrifying sensation the earth would swallow her alive. Karo clearly had begun to panic as he struggled. A loud crunch came from the dark, far side of the room and the pamphlet wielding man held up a lantern that gave off a green glow. He stood in a round tunnel and looked at the two captives.

"The Son of God wishes to speak to you." He spoke calmly and with a good deal of ceremony as he stood to one side.

"What we have here, I call an unanticipated stupidity surplus." Azula said to Karo as she remained fastened to the wall. She watched the man in sackcloth and sandals enter the room from the long tunnel and approach both of them.

"You have refused salvation." The man began with a gentle voice. "You have both indulged in deviant sexual lifestyles and will drink deeply from the Lake of Fire."

"I will have to tell my brother to conduct record searches on new recruits." Azula told Karo.

"Define a deviant sexual lifestyle!" Karo spoke hysterically. "I don't have enough sexuality to make a lifestyle out of it!"

"You have homosexual tendencies and your girlfriend has had several gay love affairs." The man spoke patiently while the second man looked on quietly. "Homosexuality is unnatural and contrary to the laws of God."

"Where in the fine print did the All Mighty slip that in!" Azula scowled at the Son of God. "What do you mean _unnatural_? Indoor plumbing falls under that category as do Fire Gummies and possibly the raccoons in Ba Sing Se!"

"Can we get to the point!" Karo shouted at both men.

"What do you intend to do with us?" Azula asked with a strange presence of mind.

"You may ask for forgiveness and join us in the one true path." The man smiled as he spoke slowly as if he intended to kill them both but wanted to sound pleasant about it

"Forget it." Azula spat on the ground. "Right Karo?"

"I really have no need for a God." Karo paused as he tried to free his hands. "Why couldn't you have prepared a prospectus?"

"I have no choice." The man looked at both of them. "I will sacrifice you both to my God."

"Why would the all knowing being who created everything possibly want us as a sacrifice?" Azula asked angrily. "Can't we simply get a few goats and call it a day?"

"I will dine on your bones with my twelve disciples." The man stated.

"Would you think me any less..." No one ever found out what Karo would have said.

Two pink knives flew through the air and caught the white robes of the man in sandals. He stuck to the wall opposite two the main doorway. A loud burst of flame stopped the earth bender as he lunged forward to help his leader. The man fell forward with his hair on fire. Zuko came forward and put the fire out with a cloth he produced from his robe. Azula and Karo found the rock fall away around their hands and feet.

Azula felt her wrists and checked her feet and walked over to the Son of God standing against the wall with his wrists pinned and slugged him in the stomach.

"Thank you for rescuing us." Karo ran over and kissed Zuko on the cheek. Zuko looked back for a moment and hugged Karo.

"We found the hole in the hallway." Zuko hugged Karo. "We sent the guards into the basement to find you."

"This guy wanted to eat us." Azula held him up.

"We know! We received a telegram from Rukken Island Asylum warning us he had busted out with a crazed Dai Lee agent a week ago." Zuko held onto Karo. "And I know Karo finds me attractive. Shouldn't you thank Mai?"

"If you hug me I will knife you." Mai held up a pink knife. "Can you get your boyfriend away from my husband?"

"I feel happy to be alive and he smells nice." Karo let go and chose to bow.

"We had a close call today." Karo and Azula walked through the palace gardens and Karo enjoyed the roses in the garden. "I have had my dead father kidnap me and today the Son of God wanted to make me into a nice stew. I wanted a quiet life."

"If God exists, he hates gay people." Azula handed Karo a red rose and Karo blew the thin layer of volcanic ash off of it. "He gave me the figure of a boy, hair in my ears and a power hungry military failure as a father."

"What did you give me the rose for?" Karo sniffed the rose gently.

"It brings you pleasure." Azula kissed Karo on the cheek with a gentle nature all out of character for her. "You have put up with me all this time."

"If you keep this up; people will think we care about each other." Karo snickered as he held the rose.

"I'll start the rumor that you are Zuko's boy toy because Mai can't keep his interest." Azula finished her sentence as Lady Ursa tapped both of them on the shoulder.

"Mom!" Azula turned around.

"Usually the guys give the girls roses." Lady Ursa grinned at Karo. "I know you two work differently."

"Oh yeah." Azula blushed for a moment and her eyes looked sideways to Karo.

"I came to check on you two." Lady Ursa put her arms around both Karo and Azula. "They put Kang Shu and his accomplice in a metal cage and shipped them back to the asylum."

"So much for faeries living in the garden." Karo looked at the rose.

"We have a few budgies." Azula replied.

"I came to tell you that I plan to leave on Hakoda's ship two days from now." Lady Ursa squeezed Karo and Azula. "He has plans to travel to Ba Sing Se after picking up a load of furs from the Northern Water Tribe. He will also pick up his son and Suki since they have completed an important diplomatic visit to the King."

"You like Hakoda don't you?" Azula looked at her mother.

"He invited you two along as passengers if you want to head back to Ba Sing Se." Lady Ursa dodged the question artfully.

"A Water Tribe ship?" Karo asked cautiously. "I won't end up swabbing decks?"

"Not unless you want." Lady Ursa kissed him on the head. "You will enjoy the company of manly men. I know that made me decide to go."

"I will also be surrounded by manly men." Azula said blankly as Lady Ursa kissed her forehead.

"And your old flame Suki." Lady Ursa hugged both of them and laughed. "I think from what you told me that you have something to look at."

"You read my old diaries didn't you?" Azula walked along with her mother as the ash from Ember Island gently fell down over the garden and made the evening sun shine an orange red color.


End file.
